Falling in, being in, feeling
in....love. Is there anything better in life, really? I don't think
so.
Upon reflection of my life in love this
past February, I decided to write about this topic for various reasons, the
most obvious being that Valentine’s Day was fast approaching; that one special
day each year that we as human beings, are hard-wired to display our
appreciation for the one that we love in standard or old stand-by,
over-the-top, expensive, silly, and sometimes completely outlandish ways.
At that time, I was also preparing to
face said holiday in a very new and special relationship, that I retain until
this very day. At its best, this courtship has filled me with fervor,
wrapped me in warmth, and supplied me with plenty of the strength and stability
I'd long been searching for. At its worst, it has left me yearning,
feeling vulnerable, and has at times been explosive, raw, and sometimes abusive.
You see, I had only just recently fallen in love, and have maintained
relationship to this point. I have spent the better part of the last year
developing and nurturing every aspect of this bond, as it is, and will always
be the most important relationship I will ever have. And the object of my
affection this time, is me.
It has been a long road, but I think I
have finally found the respect, love, and compassion for myself that my ego has
held captive for many, many years. I have, over the course of this past
year, allowed myself the chance to enjoy my own company, really feel my
body and all it can do for me, and finally figured out how to simply honour me
for me. I am finally learning what it feels like to be complete.
Whole. Happy. And in love.
Now, this is not to say that this new
love I have discovered in any way overshadows the all-knowing love that
transpires between two people who meet and meld their lives together in the
romantic type of way. No, these are two vastly different affairs.
But I have finally discovered the important truth that one needs to first love
oneself fully before they can completely give themselves to another. In
relationships, both parties need to be quite evolved as individuals, and then
and only then, can their love blossom into the most beautiful, healthy, and
everlasting union there ever was.
I know what it feels like to be totally
and completely in love with a man, enamored to the point where the
world-stops-turning. Oh yes, it is divine. First with the
butterflies, the newness of it all so thrilling and unpredictable. Then
there’s the infatuation; pure lust, ecstasy, the inability to think of anyone
or anything thing else. Pure euphoria. The constant desire to
touch, smell, see, hear, and be with that person...ah, the honeymoon
stage. Then later, later come the little notes, actions, and words that
have the power to make one smile regardless of their state of mind. The
sharing of ideas, supporting of dreams, and the fueling of forward momentum as
a team. The purely romantic gestures from the heart that mean oh so much,
and continually change life for the better.
Not needing to always be
"right", unwavering acceptance, taking pleasure in the
"quirks". The laughter, tears, silliness, drama, and pointed
connection deeper and more true than any other. The simple day to day
interactions, the comfort, the quiet, the stillness. All of it so perfect
and a part of the glorious package that is true and lasting love...
Love needs to be cared for. You
need to actively participate one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the
time, lest the flame will inevitably begin to smolder on at least one side of
the fire. I know this to be true. Love needs to be fanned, fueled,
and felt fully, lest it be taken for granted and forgotten.
Like I said at the top of this post,
there really is nothing better than being in love. And now that I
am happily in relationship with my own self, I am excited to see what happens
when I am able to again dip into my heart's stores of affection, share my joy,
and feel that rapture with another. I look forward to being able to crack
open my core, and expose that energy, a pulse of passion just waiting for the
opportunity to flow from my heart and into the arms of another once again.
So there you have it. Just my
thoughts, unedited, spontaneous, and true. I am by no means any type of
expert in this arena, so if you don't agree with my musings, that is well and
good. This is simply what I believe I have learned, and what I
believe to be true at this moment. Does it all sound just too
mushy? Well I don't care if it does. Because as it turns out, I
like mush.
"Being deeply loved by someone
gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
- Lao Tzu
"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I
need you because I love you.'
- Erich Fromm
"True self-love requires radical
self-reflection."
- Gabrielle Bernstein